Cindy W. Morrison

Lessons Learned From Kim

The last time I saw my Girlfriend Kim was at the lake a couple of weekends ago. As usual, this time of year, everyone’s in the water…just trying to stay cool. In fact, she and I were talking about how darn hot it was…when Kim stopped mid sentence and grabbed a child swimming by. That child happened to be one of mine playing a game of tag. (I remember thinking: Son, what did you DO?!) Kim called an official break in the game and insisted the game wouldn’t resume until she got a big hug. My 11 year old son grinned from ear to ear and gladly wrapped his arms around her neck. I had been so caught up in our conversation that I hardly noticed the game going on around us. Not Kim. She always had an eye on the children and hugs were a must.

Born in 1960 in Missouri, Kim met the love her life, Fred, in Grove and they married in 1984. Her pride and joy were her children: Paige and twin boys, Heath and Garrett. She enjoyed  dancing, Garth Brooks and being with friends at Grand Lake. THAT is where I met Kim.

Although Kim didn’t go to OU…that is the reason we actually met. You see, my husband and I were tired of sitting by ourselves on our boat. So, I convinced him to cruise around our favorite cove to see if I could find someone (NOT 20yrs old in a thong) to tie off with. I finally spotted two boats tied together–one with OU in the name and one with an OU flag. Since my hubby and I are University of Oklahoma graduates, I thought we might have something in common. That was seven years ago, and one of those boats belonged to Fred and Kim. As their friends began to mesh with ours…our “lake crew” was born. (The pic at the top of this blog is of all us girls with Kim–she’s second from the left.)

Last Wednesday night, Kim began having trouble breathing. By Thursday morning she was dead. The blood clot took her life fast and without much warning. Her husband, three children and all of her friends were in total shock. She had so much life to live!

I want to tell you about Kim for two reasons. I really don’t feel like I can get back to work until I know that YOU know about her. Also, I think there are so many things to be learned from her life and her death. It is with her family’s blessing that I write this blog.

What Kim Taught Me

Hug Often

Kim did NOT ask for a hug from my son a few weeks ago because she knew she was going to die. Kim expected (and got) hugs from my kids every time she saw them. And they’re not the only ones. She insisted her own teenage twins would never be too cool for her embrace. Kim knew the secret to feeling loved is kind words and hugs…often. In fact, after hearing about her death, both of my kids remembered Kim hugged them the last time they saw her.

I vote we take a lesson from Kim and hug children often. They need that reassurance, physical touch and reminder that we’re always there for them. They may think they’re “too old” for that…but sometimes that’s when they need hugs the most. Kim knew that.

Family Comes First

For Kim there was little doubt that family was her number one priority. She loved taking care of her husband and kids. Recently her daughter Paige moved to LA. When we talked at the lake several weeks ago, Kim beamed with pride as she talked about her daughter’s new job and the success awaiting her. Now, don’t get me wrong, I think Kim and Paige still talked on the phone five times a day…but Kim was so impressed with her daughter’s drive and fire (matching her auburn hair). The other loves of her life were her twin boys — Heath and Garrett. Although they are typical 16 year olds, they never minded hanging out with her on the boat. Those boys will never doubt their mother’s love.

I hope we all put our families first…like Kim did. She made no excuses or bones about priorities and would  do anything for her kids, their friends and other “babies” she treated as her own (including mine). They rocked her world.

Love Life

As any of Kim’s Girlfriends will tell you…Kim loved life. Paige insisted on a slide show at yesterday’s memorial. It was so perfect. While you wanted to shed so many tears over our loss, you couldn’t help but laugh at her sense of humor, joy and love for life during the slide show. Kim didn’t waste time talking about what she didn’t have…instead she enjoyed what she did have. And, sure, she wanted a place for everything and everything in it’s place…but she didn’t use that an excuse not to have fun.

Kim’s home was always spotless but that’s not what she’ll be remembered for. Instead she’ll be remembered for actually living life in that home she adored. Spills can be cleaned, but life can’t be lived over again. I think Kim would have no regrets.

Here Is My Question For You: How Can We Be Better Girlfriends During A Tragedy?

What do you say to a grieving family who suddenly feels like they’ve lost the glue holding them together? I’m probably not the one to ask…because I never know what to say. But what I learned through Kim’s death is that her Girlfriends weren’t really talking…instead they were “doing”. Two of Kim’s dearest Girlfriends, Tonya and Jennifer, were there immediately. While Fred and his children were still trying to come to grips with what had happened, these two incredible Girlfriends were helping make funeral plans, getting the kids funeral clothes and coordinating meals. God bless those two Girlfriends!

But the needs don’t stop there and apparently not everyone has that kind of support. I remember a Girlfriend of mine saying, after she lost her father, that her friends weren’t there for her. She had no idea what to say when someone asked, “what do you need?” She didn’t know…she’d never lost a father before. She was lost and bitter. That still makes me so sad. So, let’s make sure none of our Girlfriends or their families feel that way.

I learned from my Girlfriend Cindy about help after the funeral is over. Her Girlfriend’s son died in a car accident. Following the funeral, she went over to their home and helped write Thank You notes for the dozens and dozens of flowers that came in. When I saw all the flowers at Kim’s service, I volunteered to help with that. Several of us have also asked for the boys’ sports schedules so we can cheer them on in the stands.

What else can we do to help? That’s why this blog became two fold. I wanted to tell you about Kim AND hopefully better help her family and others through such a tragic time. If you’ve lost a loved one, what did Girlfriends do that helped you through? Did you need someone to sit there and simply listen? What about the anniversary? Maybe we can put together a complete list of what helps and what doesn’t. It’s almost impossible to know what to say…but maybe if we know what to do, we will be better Girlfriends in life and death.

I’ve replayed in my mind over and over…Kim hugging my son that day in the lake. Usually when the kids are playing tag in the water, some adult will tell them to go elsewhere to play or complain that the kids splashed them. (Hello?! It’s the lake!!) But not Kim. She lived life and showed those close to her how much they meant. Those are the memories we will all share and can learn from her example. We love you, Kim!